it was not easy for us to fall in love.

baby, i wished you did not give me up this easily.

i wished you held on.

i wish you still love me.

like how i do, so strongly for u.

the past is the past, i need to mov on, to be able to see the future. How can i move on if the past we shared is the only thing i ever want in future

i wish i can tell you how i feel for you everynight.

baby, i wish one day you will text me and tell me you miss me. like the first time we parted.

as we have to do our pw projects. i wonder if the day will ever come. but now, it's happening

everyday in my dreams.

i know i should never feel sorry for myself. for giving you so much and knowing it may not

have reap any returns. i know deep down that i love you and i dont expect something in return. and i know i will never regret doing the things i did for you.

i read something recently. there was this couple. the girl totally lost hope to have a chance back with her dear. but eventually in the end, her dear started loving her back as well. i wonder when will such sweet thing happen to me. or rather if i deserve them.

i will always be here to keep you safe. i'll be safe to keep you out of trouble. when you are vexed. had supper with you at mos burger today. it was a short meet-up. but it met alot to me.

because every minute i have with you, i'm treasuring it so much. baby, if there is this one day i did not text you. will you text me to ask how i'm. and not about any school related stuff.

perhaps, i should not be so uptight about you. i should let you go for awhile.

perhaps then will you realised my importance in your life.

and i want to know how impt i'm to you as well.

it's never possible to find someone who will never hurt me.

and i've decided to find someone worth all the pain.

to me, you are my world.

i dont know how long i'll wait and love you.

but it seems to get stronger with each and every day.

i miss the times we hug.

especially in the cold and windy night.

do you remember we had a quarrel at the riverside. that day after you collected your working attire. we made up at the riverside. and i hugged you. baby, it was chilly. but i felt warm in my heart.

i wish something will happen to me. so that i can hold your hands on the hospital bed.

and wake up seeing you around.

xz hao ai hao ai ni.

can u feel me.

I can feel my love for you. so strongly.T

Today, i would rate myself 8/10. went out with bee to study. spent almost half a day together. i like the feeling of studying with you. it gives me happiness. dear, do you remember how u used to want me to hold your hands when you read your notes at the cc? i wish i could do the same today.

i wish i was smarter so that i can help you with your questions. today's dinner was sweet. it was simple. dining. but made special because it was with you. i can feel the closeness between us again. the exact same happiness i felt whenever you were by my side in the past. i can feel it so much today. while crossing the road today, a car came turning suddenly into the alley. my first instinct was to protect you. and i touched your thighs. how i wished it wasn't your thighs i touched but your hands. sigh. but dear, i'll always protect you. no matter what happens. even if it means having to sacrifice myself to keep you safe. i'll do it willingly. just for you.

i love seeing how you play games. and i love sitting beside you. when you do.

but silly you always like to bite your nails. i'll be there always to stop you yes.

but i'm happy. because you dont bite it in front of others.

are you feeling very comfortable and at ease with me?

i can feel the feelings coming back.

strongly.

can you?

sigh saw the photograph where he was sitting so close to you.

i felt so jealous.

so jealous that i was pissed.

sorry.... i know. i should not be like this.

but baby, i.

can you feel my love today.

jiayou in your webcast.

i love you.

dear i'm sorry.

dear, i'm sorry.

i thought getting her to take the same thing as you was right.

so that you can have company.

but now you end up being so stressed up. =(

dear sorry.

i wish i can share your burden.

i wish i can be smarter so that i can help you in all that you need.

but that is one reason why i like you.

it's because you never will hand up slip shot work. and will always want to strive for perfection.

wo xi huan ni. de ren zhen.

i'm here.

always.

Dear, can you feel it.

i'm good today. good today. :)

was supposed to eat xlb buffet with you... but in the end it was changed to.

even though we had dinner with them. i dont know why my eyes could not be taken off you.

the whole time during dinner.

you look really pretty today.

even though, it was just simple tee shirt and shorts.

but i like you. like that.

i like you, who always dreads to do work.

i like you, who always craves for food.

i like you, who always do silly things to make me laugh.

Took a bus with you back home. it was an excuse to send you home.

can you feel it?

had a really strong impulse to give you a peck on your cheeks or stroke the sides of your hands.

and even to ask you to lie on my shoulders. because you were sleeping in such an awkward and painful position. however, i did not have the courage to.

your smile. keeps me going.

ever since the first time we met.

even till now.

i'm missing you alot now.

have you slept?

最熟悉 陌生人. are we destined to be.

dear, sorry. i know today i've failed again.

sorry for giving you empty promises that i will move on. sorry for not being able to let go of you.

The video is beautiful. It really how i feel. for you. for us. for this relationship.

Knowing even if i wait for you and try my best to get you back by my side, will be tough and impossible. but i still want to try it. sigh.

i dont know how to tell you dear, that actually i have not given you up. or let you go.

i dont want to see the sorrows in your eyes.

That night, we met up. it was so long since you cried this badly.

i know it has been tough on you. i know i'm a great burden in your life.

my heart was hurting very badly that night. dear. do u know.

you were crying so badly. you wanted me to give you up so badly.

you wanted me to be matured. to move on. to be sensible.

dear. i wished you could hear what i have to say.

i'm trying. i dont know when i have opened up my heart for you to enter.

after the last relationship, i thought my heart was dead.

i thought i could not love anymore.

untill i met you in my life. slowly, i started opening my heart. to you.

and now. you have decided to leave my life.

dear. i'm sorry.

i wanted to say i love you. so badly. but i could only muster. the courage.

to hug you. tightly. it was a short hug. but. it was important. i could feel you. i wish.

i dont have to let you go. but i know. i have to.

Sat by the staircase and cried. for really long. and walked to the playground and sat there. for really long too. i remember how i found u last time. when you decided to hide away from me.

i hugged you at the void deck. and asked you to promise me not to do it. I wish you will come looking for me baby.

i'm sorry. baby.

i want you so badly.

i still do mind alot about you. think alot about you. care alot for you.

i cant walk alone.

baby, are you happy. w/o me.

cried the entire night. even till this morning.

my heart has never hurt so much.

i have never felt so suicidal.

perhaps the last thing i can do for you.

is to let go of your hands.

i'll leave your life from today onwards.

dear.

i hope you will not forget me.

i hope you will not find someone else so soon.

i hope.

one day.

you will realise you were wrong.

i love you. and.

goodbye.

i did a first cut.

itbroughtawaythepain. for that one instant.

i'm happy.

it hurts so much.

It hurts so much to hear. the harsh cruel reality.

it seems to hit me so hard.

" what if i go into a r/s with someone else"

why does it hurt so much.

why do the people i love. have to treat me like this.

all the time.

i feel like.

ending this.

life.

i've reached my max. dear.

i'm crying once again.

dear i need you so much.

i'm so afraid i'll go crazy. one day. i'm so afraid.

dear said she cannot take all of my nonsense anymore.

she doesn't like people controlling her.

even if it means moving away from me. she doesn't mind.

all these words have been resounding in my head.

i got the impulse to leave everything behind.

even you. dear.

my presence.

does not means anything.

and it hurts.

true love hurts.

it does.

Wo hao ai ni.

I wonder how are you.

i wonder if you reached home.

wonder if you had fun.

wonder if i crossed your mind even for that short while.

But i guess i did not.

it has been 5 hours. and not a single message from dear.

i feel down. dear.

can you hear me.

the words you said keeps appearing in my mind.

The reason you cant communicate with me.

The reason why you cannot talk to me that easily as compared to the others.

my heart hurts. dear.

am i really that lousy. to you.

i can accept your flaws. but i know you cannot accept me for who i am.

it's upsetting. becos the person i love so much and am willing to lay my life for.

does not accept me for who i'm. nor understands me.

i need someone to talk to.

This is overwhelming me.

baby, can u hear me.

i wish you could.

175 days without you, baby.

baby, i'm sorry. i know i fared badly today.

i know i shouldn't have lost my temper.

But i just cant get used to you, being so nice and chatting with guys like this. sigh.

you asked me why am i like this. why do i have this mindset.

how i wished i could hug you then at that moment. and not talk.

years ago, i was not like this. but the moment i broke up with him. i realised he had already

been chatting alot through sms and online and going very closely to her . and yes, the day we broke up they got together.

i dont know why i'm always this paranoid now. because i'm so afraid the same thing will happen again. i know i trust you alot alot. but. sigh. It has been weighing on my heart since then. i'm sorry baby. i'm sorry you have to go through so much because of me. my mindset. i was really deeply hurt.

Woke up really early and drove to your house today. walked the entire market, not knowing what to buy. But in the end i queued for something i always see you eating. the 10 sticks of carrot cake. I just want to do so many things for you. so many. i just want to be good to you. I just want to make you feel loved, baby.

I hope you are not angry with me again. i know i'm still very possessive of you. but it's because i love you and i want you. i'm sorry, love.

Today, there are so many moments i felt like holding onto your hands. i didn't dare to. my eyes could not be taken off you, especially today. with the shirt you wore. u are always this attractive baby. do you know? today i took the laptop over from your hands. and i did it slowly so that i could touch the warm hands. of you baby. i'm happy i got to see you again.

i'll change for you and i'm still trying. i can feel myself being sweeter to you. can you feel my love?

Am i improving?

Wo hao xiang ni. How are you doing now?

Are you missing and thinking about what i'm doing as well?

BABY. .I LOVE YOU.

174 days without you, dear.

Dear, i am good today. Because i did not show any bad face or throw tantrums even though i waited and it came to nothing. I can feel the strong determination to change for you.

Every night, i look at our pictures and wonder why i did not hold you on tightly and let you just slip past me like this.

Can you still remember the love we shared?

Can you still remember the times u hugged me from the back?

I can. I can feel your hug. even now. when i close my eyes.

i can feel your breathing. your warmth.

Dear, you must have a lot of fun today. Rest well alright?

good night. I'll change. I'll.

I missed you alot today. Even more than before.

Baby, i hope you will be touched by my sincerity and love for you. one day.

Xoxo, I love you.

dear, i'm so proud of you.

168th day without dear.

13-march 2009

dear, i'm so proud of you. you have never fail to make me feel proud of you always. In sch, it was sports and now. you have found a new area of interest. you were gleaming with confidence on stage. you were shinning so brightly. deep down, i feel proud dear. It was the first time i saw you dance on stage actually. And i am deeply attracted by you so much. once again. I wish to tell you how pretty you looked that evening. i wish to tell you i was there beneath the crowd watching your performance. i wish to hold your hands so much that night and tell everyone dear is mine.

that is how proud i felt, of you.

felt really sick. and i wished he was not by my side. because deep down, i long for you baby. It has been long. I remembered how you were by me whenever i have gastric pain, whenever i couldn't breathe properly. whenever my migraine acts up. it was your shoulders and presence that made me going. but i felt empty that night.

dear, i miss you alot.

i will try my best to change.

because then will i be worthy to ask for your hands again. to walk the rest of our lives.

it's 168 days without you love.

and i'm happy i survived another day today.