happy 29 months, baby.

Dear. It's 1st of may 2010 . My love for you, officially turns 2 years and 5 months today. and it's still going strong. I can't give you up. Remember i once told u abt me wanting all the riches in life. without you, nothing matters at all. You are my all. In u, I see my existence. In you, I found myself. In you, I found someone. Someone whom I never thought I would fall innlove with in the first place. In you, I found my purpose in life. I'm serious about you. Baby, happy 2 years n 5 months.

French- kissing.

I'm thinking about you again. Reading through my lecture notes for 04 now. Flipped through a page and m reminded of you once again. I remembered when he was mentioning about it during lecture, I really wished you could be by my side. The brain contains the sensory part. Large amount of it is by the lips. That's why when pple kiss, it's full of emotions n feelings. Baby, I remembered the first time we kissed was because I was being naughty. I wanted so hard to melt the mentos in your mouth. And unknowingly we kissed. French kissed. It was great. When our tongues interlocked. Gradually we would kiss whenever I get to send u home. On the buses. In the toilets. At the roof top which I passed the h5 kissing test set by you, dear. And even passionately every cca. When I close my eyes, I can still feel the way my tongue massaged yours. The way our tongues twirled and interlocked. Dear, actually today. When you were looking at the map. I was looking at your lips. I was tempted really to want to give you a peck. Dear, all these, I have not forgotten. I miss you. I miss you lots.

baby,sorry.

Went out with bee for lunch at yuki yaki. Yeah. It was a short trip. But girl, I enjoyed it alot. I can't wait for my exams to be over. So that we can go out for a longer time. Baby, I love you. You are off to ntu now. Wishes that u won't just leave me aside once again. I'm afraid, really. Baby.

Was talking to K. he said i would have something to look forward to after taiwan. and that's really cool.
but to me, i'm not looking forward to the LA trip at all. this trip, symbolises many things. perhaps i wil be able to forget you dear. and move on with my life after i return. however, i could be worse. because i know. i cannot live without seeing you for a day. a week. moreover 2-3 weeks. dear, if i'm not there. remember me.

xz, loves you.
in the past,
now.
and many many years from now.

i'll be loving you.

All i wanted to do , was to fly to school. to be there, right by your side.

Xz did something really silly today. Bee messaged to say that she was waiting alone. In school and she arrived too early. The next thing I did was to speed to school. Weaving between cars, going at 90 on a normal road. I didn't think that much. All that was in my mind was I needed to be there for you. I want to root you on. I need to see you. Was disappointed because i couldn't get a car park lot. All I could do was to call you, and said jiayou. Sighs. I'm actually waiting for u to MSG and talk to me. I guess, it's not going to happen. Sighs. Sorry. I m being silly again...

With every day....

Bee, jiayou jiayou. Tmr is the last day k? Hang on k. Look around you. I'm always around you. Today, We spent the day in school. With u, I have experienced many new things. I never expected myself to lie and sleep on the sofa in school. Today, we did. I didn't want to sleep while you were. I like to watch you. Watch you play badminton, watch you perform. And even watch you while you are sleeping. When I woke you up. You gave the same look as you did, when I tried to wake you up at your house. I wish I could sit beside you. Touch ur head, and tell you. Baby, sleep soundly. Dear is looking and watching you. I never expected myself to feel like this today as well. It just felt close again. Me sitting near to you, studying, hitting you thighs at times, testing you the questions.. Baby, although we did not managed to hit the two year mark, I'm still counting. Because with every day, throughout this 2 years n 4 months, there were times I doubted my love for you. Times I wanted to give you up, because we were always arguing. But what I rember of our love, were the happy moments. Hot, sweet moments. With every day, I'm even more sure of how I feel for you. Perhaps, it's too late to realize how deeply I love you. Sighs. Baby, it wasn't easy for me to fall so hot over heels for you. It's definitely not easy to find someone I love and wishes to treasure and protect this much. I always thought I would want the one I love to protect me. But u changed it all. I wish to be your someone, whom can walk you through everything. Baby, sorry. Perhaps it's too late to realize it only now. I will always love you. Laopo.

In the library now.. You seem to be sleeping soundly.. I took a few shots of you secretly. I always loved looking at you when you are sleeping. Bee jiayou.. I know you can do it. I love u. Sleep well.

Knowing you, is a blessing. and it still is.

Everyday, fragments of our memories. Our dates . Will come to my mind. Today, it's different. To think back, things between us seems like it's meant to be. The first time I meant you. Was in the aj school hall. That day, I was accompanying my friend for the badminton trial. I saw you. The first impression I had of you. It's that you are really cool. Looking. Of course, then you appeared in the bio lab for our first class meeting. I was happy. But you didn't seem to want to communicate with me. So I had to talk to you. Online. Amazingly, the first time we talked. It was me asking you how to get to geylang. Things progressed between us. I realized how I love talking to you. How I love going out with you. How I always want to find oportunities to go out with u alone. I cherish those times I had with you. Baby, knowing you is the best thing. That happened to me. I count my blessings. I love you.

Completed another paper together today. It wasn't easy for mine. I guess, it wasn't easy for you. While I was doing. Part of me, was thinking of the you. How you were doing over there. Sorry for making you stand at a spot with flies. Dui bu qi.. I was feeling very down. Actually. But when I saw you standing at e car park, I smiled. Like always. I wish to tell you how imortant your presence meant to me. Had lunch tgt at sakae. Bee, sorry. I won't be angry for no big reasons anymore. I can feel the change in me. And I truly hope you can too. You are an important part of me. You influence my liking. Liking for food. Liking for people. And many others. I have no idea how you became so important in my life. I have no idea how i managed to fall so deeply in love with you. Perhaps, everything between us. Is just. Unknowing. Baby, jiayou for the rest of the paper. I'm sure you can feel my support. Turn around, you will always see me behind you. :)

Bee has an exam tmr. I know she will do just fine... I know. Bee, we'll be fighting together. In different exam venues. We are doing it together. I hope I can be your strength to go on. Although I know you don't need me. Preetty down today. Sigh. Saw on fb, how you write and reply to the others on your wall. It makes me feel down. Because, you never do speak to me like that. You never do talk to me. Never taking initiative. Baby, perhaps I'm really not important in your heart. Perhaps I no longer have a place. No matter what, no matter how things changes. You will always be my baby. Deep down I know. No matter what happens, I will never walk out of u. I will stand by you. Give me the courage to face all of these. Dear, jiayou. While you are studying now, someone is missing you dearly. Dear, you can do it, becus like before. I have so much faith in you. Good night, miss you.

i think, i have really fallen in love with you.

decided to blog again. i cant concentrate on my work, with you constantly on my mind.

Dear, why did you give up on us. why didn't you try to fight for our love.
it really hurts to hear you have gotten over me. that you no feel and love me. that you no longer need me.
It pains me the most, to see that you are able to visualize, to lead a life without me.
because, i cant.
the day we broke up, i felt something in me was lost.
and now, i still am not able to find myself back.
i cant.
you made me believe that promises are meant to broken.



baby, i dont blame you.

i just hope somehow, this heart of mine.
will learn to be good.
to be contented.
because, i can still miss and love you from afar.


7 months. without you.
it's the longest 7 months of my life.

nothing's gonna change my love for you, xoxo.

jiayou bee.

Had our first paper today. i was feeling a little lost when i came out.
but spending time with you, made me feel much better.
you know, every time i feel down, every time i feel upset.
i just have to think of you.
the words you say.
it gives me so much comfort, and strength.
i dont know why. but it's amazing. amazing how you can always cheer me up.

bee, do you remember the day, we checked our pw results together?
that day, i was so down.
and i spent the entire day, in your arms.
crying in your arms.
when i close my eyes now.
i can still hear the words you say. the warmth you gave.
even till now, i can feel it. so strongly.
dear. thanks.

everyday when i think about the love we shared.
when i think of about you. i will miss you so much.
so dearly.
everything that i see, reminds me of you.
in the night, when i see the moon. i will be reminded of the times we spend sitting at the stairs in Tpy. looking at the moon, trying to figure out what figures there are in the moon. i will be reminded of the times i feel uncomfortable at the stairs. and you will always be there. i will be reminded of the pact you made for me, with the moon.

i miss the times we used to watch movies in the cinemas. you know, those times, i was not watching the movie at all.
all i cared about, was me being able to hold your hands throughout the movie. all i cared about were the occasional eye contacts in the cinema that made my heart raced, so fast. at times, i just want to pull your body so close to mine, so that i could kiss you. and hug you throughout the show. at times, in the movie, we will get intimate.

baby, everyday that i spent without you. i thought it will be easier to forget you. i thought the feelings will fade away. but no, baby it's not. it's getting harder everyday. to get over you. and the many many things we shared together.

Bee. Good night. Jiayou for exams tmr. Hope you will be sitting somewhere I can see you tmr. Like always, I will bring e ring u gave. It gives me power. I'm quite upset now. Becos you didn't see what I had to say. N just typed a okay good night hastily. Bee, it matters a lot to me. I don't know if you treasure me. Becos sometimes, I feel I have been too good. To you. Always taking iniatiative to talk to u. Caring for you. Alot. But it feels like. I have not been treasured. When I'm not around, will you realize and miss my presence? Bee, no matter what. No matter how silly I sound. Wo hao xi huan ni. Ye Xiang yi bei zi shao gu ni. Ai hu ni. I don't know If I have a chance anymore. If I do, I will never treat you like I did. Never let you go anymore. I guess. I have matured. Iloveyou.

Bee, how's your stomach? Sighs. You do look pale just now. Similarly. Everytime I get to see you. I do count my blessings.. I wish. I can see you each and everyday. Tmr is the first day of our exams. Baby, I have faith in you. Sighs. Something keeps going over n over again, in my mind. I don't know if it is e right choice to leave for la. I'm afraid when I return, u will fall for someone else. I'm afraid, instead of trying to forget you. I will realize I cannot live a day without talking to u. I'm very afraid. Bee. I wish I can tell you how I truly feel. Abt everything.

How are you feeling? I'm worried that your gastric acted up again. Why didn't you call me? I was waiting by the phone. Do you still remember, because of your gastric, you often had to go to the sick bay. And everytime without fail. I would be by your bed. Touching your forehead. Stroking your hair. My hands will run down your face, that looked so pale everytime. Occasionally, I would give you a peck on your forehead or even on your lips. Telling you to wait for me, because I have to go for lessons that I can't skip. Baby. U were always there when I felt sick too. Our first night date in sentosa. I felt really sick. And it was you. Baby. You sheltered me from the night wind. And assured me I will be okay. It was that night, ur urge to kiss me came about. Perhaps it was our weakness of e body, that really brought us closer. I want to always be there for you. Showing you how much, I truly love you. I'm worried. In that half a month when I'm not by your side, will you fall for someone else. Will you fall ill. Will you feel bored. I have never ventured out of your sight before. Baby . I know I will miss you. Dearly. And I wish this short separation might. Make you miss my presence. I love you. I really do. If I don't make it back, baby, don't grieve. I love you. It will not change no matter where I will be.

Baby, hope you are resting well now. It has been so long since i ever got a chance to by your side in e morning. Hugging you while you are still sleeping. Soundly. Stroking your hair, kissing you on your forehead. Touching your body. Giving you a morning kiss. I miss you. I love it when you dread to wake up. That's why we will always lay in bed the entire day. Just with you, in my arms. I cherished those times alot. What about you, Do you? I thought I could escape from this heartache, but I have fronted long enough to know. There ain't no way. I miss you.... The day when you came back after e 9 days obs. We spent e entire day on the bed. You were crying in my arms. And we hugged so tightly. Baby, that time I made a vow to myself. I will never leave u to fend for yourself. Never leave you alone. Even if it is gg to be difficult, I will hold your hands.

you chose to leave me, baby. I know there's no one that can love you so much like me. Perhaps, I loved you wrongly. But I truely. Love you. Laopo.

Sorry for losing it again. I don't mean it. Don't be upset. I just yearned to see you so much. I dont mean totake it out on u. Baby. I need you. <3

I'm very upset....... I'm. It has been 3 days. N you want to stay home again. I wish u know how I feel for you. How much i'm going crazy. Thinking about you, missing you. I guess. I have never crossed your mind. Never. Dear. It hurts alot. U r hurting me alot..........

Baby, I waited a few hours for your reply. Where are you? I want to message you. But I'm afraid u will be put off and get irritated. I miss you. Baby.... Can u hear me. Dear misses you.

Didn't get to see you again. Sighs. Becos u want to stay at home alone.. I wanted to tell you right then. Dear, I miss you lots. I do.

sorry

throughout the days, i have changed your contact in my sim card, many times.

to bee. back to your name. to bee and back to your name again.

and today, i just changed it back to bee.

as long as i dont let you see it, i guess. you will not be angry.

i'm sorry for sending the msges abt me missing you and all.

and it got you upset again.

sighs. so from now onwards, i'll just speak my thoughts here.

but still, it's on this space, where i can call you baby.

Sighs.

baby, it doesn't matter if you dont love me. as long as i know i love you.

i love you. but i guess i will not make my feelings known to you, at least for now.

i rather keep it to myself.

even if i know, doing this will only hurt myself even more.

i dont want to let this heart, that loves you so much. ruin the friendship.

i know, if you know i havent been able to let go of you.

i know, if you know i still love you deeply,

you will leave my life immediately.

telling me it's for my own good.

i only wish that, in the future. in time to come, baby, you will not hate me. when you realise how much i love you.

i hope you will not hate me. for deceiving and putting up a false front in front of you.

yes it does hurt alot.

but baby, i guess it will not hurt as much as.

letting go of our love.

all i want to do,

is to stay by your side.

just woke up.

sighs. i'm sorry. i shouldn't have sent those messages to you.

Last night i dreamt of you. when i saw you from far away, and i went to approach you. you were fading away. it seems to only happen in shows. but i actually dreamt of it. right in my dreams.

I always dream of you. and i love to dream of you.

because in my dreams, i can do many things i cant in the reality.

things like hugging you. sweet-talking you. holding you in my arms.

i find myself thinking about those beautiful moments, spent with you.

As the day passes, my love does not seem to fade away, but it goes stronger. it goes deeper. and it takes a higher level. because i love you, even though you dont. even though i know we may never be together again. but i still love you. My heart will love no one else, but you baby.

My heart will always belong to you, dear.

you are my life.

you taught me how to love like i never loved before.

many times at night, i cry.

i tried to hold on to the memories, but it cannot feel the missing you in my heart.

and it gets really bad every night. i never used to understand why you would cry at night while we were still dating, because you missed me so dearly.

and now i finally do. it's the kind of helplessness. that we want someone so much. and yet, it's not possible.

Indeed, the pain you have caused me is unbearable. The times you hugged me so tightly to ask me not to leave you. the times you held me so tightly and promised you will never leave me for the rest of my life. baby. in the end you left xz. and the most hurting part is, you no longer feel anything for me baby. it's ironic. you are my one and only happiness, yet at some times you were my only sorrow. deep down, i know all of these, lies with me and all i can ask silently is your forgiveness. i shouldn't have lacked trust and been paranoid in whatever you do. i shouldn't have held you back when you wanted to do something you really like. i have not felt for anyone i feel for you. this time is different. i cant find myself back at all. you have changed me alot and i have become all yours. now that baby you are gone. i seem to lost it. all of me.

It's with you, that i'm happy. It's with you, i'm truly myself. and it's with you, that i know what i really want in my life. true, life was on-going for me, even before you appeared in my life. but it was never this happy. it was never this meaningful. and i never felt my heart, feel so strongly for someone, missing someone this much, every single day knowing baby doesnt feel for me anymore.

Maybe someday, our paths will be linked up once again. Maybe it wont.

Although it has been 7months, since we broke up. i still feel strongly for you. i want to fetch you everyday. i want to have meals with you. i long to see you every single minute. and i do take our photos, to view everynight.

The times we spent together, can never be replaced.

i know, i've lost the special place in your heart.

But to me, as long i'm still here.

You will always be my special one.

the one whom i'll always love dearly.

xiaozhan xoxo baby.

baby, i wish you can hear all these.

went for the travel fair together with you yesterday. i'm so glad we got it all settled. because i yearn to go overseas with you. one thing that is bothering me alot. is that i cannot share a room with you. it was our goal. to go overseas, to share a hotel room together. the other time, we were still together but we did not have a chance to. now, we have. yet, i know, baby you arent here anymore. i'll cherish the time i have with you because i do not know, when i will leave for canada. we took photos tgt, at sakae. and i was leaning really close to you. i love being close to you. and till now, i've looked at the photo, countless time. Although there are three of us in the photo, i only saw just you and me.

baby,

iwish you care.

care and say you mind. you mind us staying in the same room.

i wish you care.

i've been crying over this for the entire day.

because baby, i cant believe you actually dont.

it's okay. as long as i'm around to protect you. i'm happy enough.

i'm looking forward to the trip. really.

It's me again. i cant get to slp. thinking about you.

the day you wanted a break up.

When it was time for me to move on, and carry on with my life. I did expect to miss you. but i never knew that i will still be feeling the pain. so intensely after 7 months. Why didn't i ask for a kiss. why didn't i embrace you tightly before you left. why.

Thinking about the past, brings the feeling of us being together all over again. I miss the way you hold me in your hands and ask me not to be scared. I love the way you stroke my head, comforting and sweet talking me. i love the way we did cca. i love the way we kissed. i love the way we do silly things together. i love you, darling.

Dont ever forget me, dear.

Thank you for a year and a half of memories i will never forget in my life.

i still want to try.

to make you feel for me.

will you blame me?

Baby, do you remember we sang this song in kbox together. i was looking into your eyes.

and every word i sang, was just for you.

indeed, my iife is empty. really empty and meaningless without you by my side.

the nights seem especially long without cot p anymore. with me, missing you dearly, still.

here's the song, for you. i wish i can sing it to you over again.

NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU (Glenn Medeiros)

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go

(Chorus 1)
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you

(Chorus 2)
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love

(Chorus 3)
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too

you will always be my baby.

even though i'm no longer yours.

dear.

i know you are at a far far away place.

i know you might never return for xz again.

i'll leave this space for you.

i guess. all that we have shared. will last me for a life time.

no matter where you are, no matter where i'm.

baby, you'll always be close to my heart.

it's me. at 2.48am.

every night is a routine for me.

to blog. and go to bed.

every night is a routine for me.

to talk to you on msn.

every night is a routine for me.

where i would lie on my bed and flashbacks of the memories we shared will come back to me.

every night is a routine for me.

to miss you so dearly and think about you.

i would reflect always.

on what i'm doing.

i want to know. why. i'm always worrying about trival stuffs.

tonight, i seem to get a deeper answer to it.

it was because i feel insecure.

dear, being together with you. is the best thing that could ever, ever happen to me.

you are capable.

you are hot.

you are pretty.

you are understanding.

you are caring.

you can be sweet at times.

and certainly, i feel blessed to be able to be have you by my side always.

i feel inferior.

and i am afraid to lose you.

i was very afraid.

that was why, i became paranoid with every single thing.

that was why, i suffocated with you it.

i guess, my previous relationship.

affected me as well.

i know i should trust you. i know i should change.

and i know if i dont, i will never have you back in my life.

dear, even though you feel nothing for me now.

i'm not willing to let go.

we started off, like this as well.

i know i'll have to change. to prove to you i'm sincere about having you back in my life.

i'm trying.

i dont know. if you will feel for me eventually.

because i know u feel nothing for me now. because of all the suffocation you felt.

because you are tired.

perhaps u still do. perhaps u still do.

i dont know why i'm hanging on for.

but dear,

i promised you not to let you go.

at least i know, i've tried.

tried to change for the one i love.

i never believed in letting go of someone because i love someone.

it's precisely i love you so much.

that i want to change.

i want you to feel it again. although i'm not confident of it.

i want to give you a future.

i want to hold your hands. forever.

i'm sorry.

sorry i am not letting go of you.

but i will change.

no body knows what the future will be like, dear.

wait for me.

i hope you will wait for me.

and not have a change of heart.

i hope i wil not be too late.

xiaozhan, hao xi huan. ye hao ai ni.

laopo.

with all that we have shared, i cant possibly imagine myself with any other people.
because with you,
we have done many things. many. that many couples havent possibly done.
and i cant forget you.
I know in my heart there's no one i want, no one i wish to care for, no one i wish to love other than you.
Do you know, even now. when i see you, i can feel my heart skipping a beat.
when you smile, it seems as though my whole world is lifting up.

you are stilll very impactful, in my life.

no matter what,
i'll be here. for you.

i dream of you again.

bee, i dreamt of you again today..
we were holding hands, watching a movie. at the same b.plaza.
in the midst, we looked at each other a few times. and felt it once again.
it was sweet.
sighs.
i'm still losing sleep everynight thinking about us. about you.
iknow you want me to get over you. and move on.
sighs.
but i cant.
i cant.

you're on my mind. every now and then.
i'm suffocating.

baby can u hear.

i can feel the pulses again.

if i can feel a slight tinge of hatred now is it good.
am i supposed to be happy that i'm actually starting to have this tinge of hatred for u.

i feel so cooped up.....................



someone............................ help me......................................................................................................
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............................................................................i
i can sense it.
believe it or not.

...............................................................................................................................................................

okay. back to work. act as though u are okay................. i know you will be.

You are everything to me.

i never knew. losing something. could hurt this much.

baby.

i never knew.

even after so many months. i'm still at the same spot.

i wished.

you will return.

and tell me. all of these. is not true.

Lao.p.

against all odds.

how can i just let you walk away

just let you leave without a trace

when i stand here taking.

every breath with you.

You are the only one that really knew me.

We hve shared the laughter and the pain. and even shared the tears together.

I wish i could just make you turn around.

turn around and see me cry

there's so much i need to say to you

so many reasons why.

i only want you. and no one else.

You coming back to me. is against all odds.

sighs. i'm thinking alot about you. again.

about our past.

when i asked for your hand. i really want to hold it till the end of time.

when i asked for you to marry me.

i meant it deep from my heart.

i love you so much.

that i'm willing to protect you from everything.

it just hurts so much. dear.

after so much. we have gone through.

you still decided to let go of us.

dear.

we shared so much.

we went through so much.

cca.

keeps reappearing in my mind.

flashing again and again.

the things you said to me.

promised me.

the things we did..

Will you be touched. if you know i'm thinking of you everyday.

will you be irritated because i have not given you up at all.

will you cry for me to let you go.

will you say u dont love me. once again in my face.

i wish to go away.

and never come back.

far away...

and i'm feeling. really suic. again.

sorry. dear. i have let you enter into my heart. completely. throughout the times we

were together.

i cannot forget you. like how u can. forget abt us.

sorry.

One day when i'm gone.. i hope you 'll get to read the things.

i've written for you.

When I asked u to marry me. I really meant it.

Wo xi huan ni. Hen xi huan. Hen xi huan ni.

dear.

i'm good today. and i got by another day, without you by my side.
i miss you alot. even though i get to see you everyday.
i miss you alot. even though we talk on msn and through msg.
i miss your touch. i miss it when you call me dear.

i realised today. i could give everything up for you.
and just for you.

when we went into the lift. near the library, it was really packed.
we were facing one another. standing really close to each other.
i could feel my heart beat. racing. fast.
and an attempt to move even closer.
i hate being closed. but that moment i wished the guy beside me
will squeeze me further in. to be closer to you.
my heart beat. was beating so fast. for you.
i wish you feel the same.
the first time in sentosa, wher we stayed over. u said u wanted to give me a kiss.
did you feel the same way i did today.
racing heart beat and the strong urge to want to pull you to me.

i wished i could tell you all of these.
howi feel for you everyday.

i've cried. many times for you.
each time after crying. i tell myself i have to let you go.
dear. it's really hard.
really hard.

it's never the tears that measure the pain.
it's how much i have to fake a smile. just to show i'm okay.
in front of you. and the others.

iwantyoubadly.

One heartbreak is like a thousand lessons. Loving again is learning them.
ihaveneverbeenso persistent.

but this time around.
i know it's you that i want. in my life.



tu amor,
xz.

will you miss my presence when i'm gone.

will you regret not holding on tightly to me.

there are so many things i want to say to you.

but i do not know how.

everytime i start. talking about us.

everytime i try holding you back.

baby, u will cry.

and feel suffocated.

will you listen

to how much i love you.

baby. can u hear this.

It is not the good bye that hurts. but the flash backs that follows. every single day. every single moment you are not by my side.

i wished i cherished you more.

i wished i was special to you.

wo zhen de, hen xiang hen xiang ni.

Another day without you.

sometimes i do feel close to you when we are out. Today in the bus you asked me why i lied to you about mean score. i did not want you to be discouraged. i m concerned. i'm sorry.

at the roads when a car was coming. you held my arm. it was simple. yet i felt. safe. with you. on the car, i looked at you really near. at your face. for pimples. our eyes met. and i looked away. you came to my house. in my room. i wished so much.to hug you from the back. and say baby, i love you. the urge was so strong. to want to hold you.

i'm sure u do not know.

perhaps you treat the others like how u treat me.

perhaps i'm lying to myself. that u still do feel for me. but do not want to think about it because you are so tired. i'm sorry.

baby, i'm sorry.

i know i'm useless.

but it's so hard to give up.

to give you up.

you are all that i ever wanted. from the moment i met you.

Do you know how much your encouragement means to me.

i can do without the entire world.

but baby, not you..

iammissingyoualotnow.

can u feel it.

sorry.

sorry.
i shouldn't keep asking about how you are.
it does hurt when my care for you turns out irritating.
undesired.

i know you have a lot of thigns to do. so do i.
i've been feeling lousy. crying when i'm doign work.
jiayou.

i'll not bother you.
sorry.