it's me. at 2.48am.

every night is a routine for me.

to blog. and go to bed.

every night is a routine for me.

to talk to you on msn.

every night is a routine for me.

where i would lie on my bed and flashbacks of the memories we shared will come back to me.

every night is a routine for me.

to miss you so dearly and think about you.

i would reflect always.

on what i'm doing.

i want to know. why. i'm always worrying about trival stuffs.

tonight, i seem to get a deeper answer to it.

it was because i feel insecure.

dear, being together with you. is the best thing that could ever, ever happen to me.

you are capable.

you are hot.

you are pretty.

you are understanding.

you are caring.

you can be sweet at times.

and certainly, i feel blessed to be able to be have you by my side always.

i feel inferior.

and i am afraid to lose you.

i was very afraid.

that was why, i became paranoid with every single thing.

that was why, i suffocated with you it.

i guess, my previous relationship.

affected me as well.

i know i should trust you. i know i should change.

and i know if i dont, i will never have you back in my life.

dear, even though you feel nothing for me now.

i'm not willing to let go.

we started off, like this as well.

i know i'll have to change. to prove to you i'm sincere about having you back in my life.

i'm trying.

i dont know. if you will feel for me eventually.

because i know u feel nothing for me now. because of all the suffocation you felt.

because you are tired.

perhaps u still do. perhaps u still do.

i dont know why i'm hanging on for.

but dear,

i promised you not to let you go.

at least i know, i've tried.

tried to change for the one i love.

i never believed in letting go of someone because i love someone.

it's precisely i love you so much.

that i want to change.

i want you to feel it again. although i'm not confident of it.

i want to give you a future.

i want to hold your hands. forever.

i'm sorry.

sorry i am not letting go of you.

but i will change.

no body knows what the future will be like, dear.

wait for me.

i hope you will wait for me.

and not have a change of heart.

i hope i wil not be too late.

xiaozhan, hao xi huan. ye hao ai ni.

laopo.